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Online sexuality: do we deconfine fine parts?

SEX ACCORDING TO MAÏA

MAÏA MAZAURETTE

Can sexual sociability survive the slowness of deconfinement? The question needs to be asked. Because after theaters and restaurants, after major festivals, we will still have to worry about the fate of nightclubs, gay saunas, swingers parties, libertine clubs – these places where we touch, where we embraces, and whose physical connection is the reason for being. Limit these gatherings to a maximum of 10 people? If each one kisses greedily, we will be well advanced.

In these conditions, why not find sexual fluidity … by consuming directly online? By deporting our antics and orgies on videoconferencing platforms?

This option arouses great curiosity. 28% of French people have already tested sex remotely (and 44% of young people, according to IFOP / Charles.co): they constitute a considerable pool of potential participants. Especially since after eight weeks on a closed circuit, couples could want something new, without breaking the special bond that was forged during confinement.

  1. Virtual group sex, for whom and for what?

Let us first clarify the proposition: group practices range from triolism to orgy, via the square part (two couples). Will these experiences replace an encounter in flesh, bone and liquid? No. But they still have advantages: less physical discrimination, less discrimination against small towns and countryside, less effort, less cost, less risk.

How it works ? Some “professional” online orgies (NSFW, Feeld, Killing Kittens, Virtual Purple) divide the screen into mini-thumbnails – if you're using a smartphone, you won't see much. Note that in the dark in the club, you don't see much either … The excitement then shifts to two parameters: collective experience and exhibitionism. You can be seen, observed, desired. You will not know exactly if, or by how many people. It is at the intersection of the intimate and the public that the disorder arises.

If you prefer the joys of full screen, I remind you of the existence of the good old Chatroulette platform, which puts two people in the world in contact, at random… and on which even today, we come across penises in less than three seconds (I just tested: really three seconds).

2. How to participate?

Professional evenings require a donation (10 dollars, 20 dollars) … but this is not necessarily the case for your neighborhood sex party. In France, swingers are mainly found on Wyylde.

Once you have found playmates, you will need to protect your identity. I am well aware of constantly repeating this imperative, but if 2020 will have proven one thing, it is that dystopia awaits us around the corner. So never film yourself entirely, and hide your face (in the shade, behind a decorative element, behind a mask or headband).

Then get in the mood: dress nicely, even if you want to undress after three minutes. Prepare a suitable atmosphere at home. Choose music that inspires you. Some participants go so far as to add perfume. These small efforts compensate for the “cold” side of the screens: you do not store your room for others, but for yourself.

Once the party begins, to avoid the cacophony, the microphones will by default be in “silent” mode. But you can still chat … if your hands are free.

If you are chatting, be sure to maintain the basics of consent and politeness: say hello, get to know each other. Do not send penis pictures without asking for permission (clubs that organize online orgies write it expressly). Do not take screenshots. Don't film: recording for later personal consumption is both counterproductive (the moment will be over, and you will blame yourself for stealing content) and dangerous (you can get your bandwidth captured, or have your devices stolen later).

Finally, if you are participating as a duo, prepare the ground by discussing the details beforehand, especially with regard to limits and jealousy. If you don’t like the experience, don’t be relentless: log out.

3. As an organizer

Want to create your own event? Very good. To start with, you'll have to find a platform, knowing that most of them refuse nudity or even the use of vulgar words, under penalty of suspending your account – which can be problematic for teleworking then.

Organizers get around this barrier by limiting the advertising of their events. Platforms have indeed other priorities than monitoring their customers: objectively, if your grouping keeps reasonable dimensions, there is no reason for it to be noticed.

Are you at the end of your troubles? Not if your accounts are shared between several screens (your children could fall into your orgy), and not if computer security hazards lead to the hacking of your data! So think for your small meetings, WhatsApp and FaceTime solutions, linked to your phone number, therefore more secure.

When you have selected your platform, you will be able to know how many participants can join you. The fewer there are, the more “space” they will have to express themselves – but the less shy they will be. The magic cocktail therefore depends on your guests: are they experienced libertines, beginners, extroverts? Some clubs (but that requires a hell of a budget) specially bring performers: the sex party online is embellished with burlesque shows, bondage demonstrations, etc. Without going as far as breaking the piggy bank, why not ask your participants if they have a particular talent?

Then remember the rules set out above: courtesy, discretion, good presentation, ban on recording, no dick pics without permission. If a guest seems likely to violate these rules, cancel their presence. It is better to ban someone upstream than to ruin the mood at the moment. In virtual as in real, it will be more difficult to attract women: ask what are their preferences, adapt … and have fun!

Are you distressed by orgasm? I sympathize. There is something sad about the prospect of a world without saunas and libertine clubs – and yet the disappearance of sex shops, porn cinemas and decadent nights had started long before the pandemic. My colleague Emmanuelle Julien, from the Paris Derrière site, noted this in May 2019: “Seven years ago, the capital had 18 establishments [échangistes]. Today there are only 10. “ Too heteronormous, too expensive, a little cheesy, these clubs have for several years been subjected to competition from private parties, organized through websites. Sprinkle this tendency towards self with a good dose of germophobia, and you will see the outlines of a real withdrawal (or at least, a shift in sexual experiences towards other modalities).

If you are saddened by the idea of ​​a sexuality deprived of these interlope pleasures, you will have to support these small businesses when they reopen. By giving of your person!

Find here all the chronicles of Maïa Mazaurette in “La Matinale”

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